Zashiisms

I have a text file on my desktop that contain…. various things that typify myself. I suppose it's like a private, never before published twitter feed. This page isn't so much representative of myself as it is places I've been.

AKA fortune-cookie bullshit.

• I need a razor.

• I feel like shit.

• I never stop thinking. I'm always thinking, many times I wish I was not. Many times I stumble across an old memory that just want go away. It won't leave me. The only way to temporarily get the thought out of my head is to imagine myself violently being killed or killing myself. It works, but not well enough.

• I can't forget what I did. No one ever speaks of it to me. But it is always in the back of my mind. I still do not feel remorseful for it. I feel anger and shame that I was punished for it, and I am still being punished. How many times must I be so violently disillusioned? I need to stop doing this to myself.

• Life is like a broken pencil, there's no point.

• Trying to understand life while living it is like trying to understand a dream while dreaming it.

• When god closes a door… he yells at you and asks you if you are out of your mind. He's not trying to heat the whole damn neighborhood. That's what he made the sun for.

• That which is untouchable is all the more beautiful.

• That which is unattainable is all the more desirable.

• There may be no joy without pain, but there is no pain without joy. To be painfree you must sacrifice your joy. Sacrifice your joy.

• There is no good or evil. There is only opposition.

• You're no more here than I am there.

• Seekers of death only found faults of life.

• My goal in life is to make every group hate me and every individual love me.

• Outward appearance is only a shallow reflection of the monster within.

• It will never be yesterday.

• I can't die yet, I haven't written enough.

• Try not to suckle the teet of misery in excess.

• If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, accept it. If you can't accept it, change it.

• There is a kind of attraction that is based solely on the desires of others. It's the selfish child reaction. “I only want it because someone else wants it.” These people are the shallow lovers, who seek arm candy and trophy mates to induce the jealousy of their peers. You know you've got something better, when you don't care if you're seen. If you don't want to be seen. If you want to lock yourselves in a room and do beautiful things together.

• I hate pizzicato E.

• I'm closer to death now than I ever was before.

• Democracy is a fancy word for mob rule. Trial by jury is mob justice in a suit.

• He tells parables about parabolas. He uses hyperbole when describing hyperbolas.

• My Chicken shampoo is too spicy!

• Cutting yourself is okay. Drinking is not. Murder is okay. Drugs are not. Stealing from a person is wrong. Stealing from people s okay. My logic maybe iffy, but no more than anyone else's.

• All I wanted to do was compile Anjuta. Now I have to compile all of gnome and the gnome librararies and all this other stuff. This is taking forever. Do you know how long it takes to compile gnome on a 486? This is worse than that time I went to church. Haha, Just Kidding. Nothing's worse than church.

• I don't like helping people. It seems pretty much thankless to me. And

I hate ungracious people. People who are gracious are almost as bad, sometimes worse. They seem so hard to make you believe they are thankful it convinces me that they are not thankful. They merely do not wish to piss you off in the event your help is needed again.

• For the sake of being different, lets say I hate all my friends. Well, hate is a bit harsh. Lets say I have no friends. Hhmm, I do though. I have friends but I don't see or talk to them much. They are more acquaintances. I have collected a great deal of acquaintances over the years. Attending five schools over the course of 5 years will do that. But I've strayed somewhat. How shall I describe my friends. I have the most aloof friends in the world. They are like cats. They don't need me and make no attempt to prove otherwise. That is all fine and good, I'm a major loner and always have been. I'm not going to go around praising

my friends, pardon, acquaintances. They are people and people are flawed. I appreciate them for putting up with me and I help them when I can that is how it works.

• And even if I were able to admit I'm in love with you, what good would it do. It would serve no purpose other than to make our geographically distant friendship awkward.

• Do you know how my views on reality make me feel? They make me feel as though I

am literate, surrounded by illiterate people. There is writing on the wall and I keep telling them I understand the meanings and some say there is nothing on the wall and others say there's obviously something on the wall, but it is just scribbles. And it bothers me and bothers me and then I feel silly because the writings on the wall don't really matter in any practical sense. But I feel like if we are going to exist, we should exist with our eyes open–that we should try to understand everything. Perhaps in a sense, give us some meaning beyond simple procreation.

• So, if I put fragmented microscopic pieces of plutonium in the water supplies of the 20 largest cities in the world and dump my herbal essence and aussie stocks and purchase stocks in casket making and wig making companies, could I get prosecuted for insider trading?

• Would you take my love if it was gift-wrapped in the skin of your unborn child. Would you remember all those that have sacrificed for you when you are ready to sacrifice another. Would you save the ones who gave themselves freely. Would you heal those who hurt themselves willingly. Would you love when hated. Of course you wouldn't.

• Have any of you ever stopped to think, what if he who is without sin lives in a glass house? What then?

• Series of away messages:

1. Sleeping. Cuz it's cheaper than drugs.
2. Fucking. Cuz it's about the same cost as drugs.
3. Working. Cuz it pays for sex and drugs.