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essays:mydays [2015/03/13 18:37] zashi |
essays:mydays [2018/08/09 13:09] (current) zashi |
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| Never before had my uncle in any real way been involved in my life. I did not go to him for advice. He had not proffered unsolicited advice ever before. My entire life he’s lived in another state and seeing him was a holidays and birthdays sort of affair. Simply put, he was not and is not in a position to offer advice or insight into my life. I have no idea what kind of conversations he may have had with my father (his brother) or my grandfather. I knew my father and uncle spoke infrequently and my grandfather and uncle a little less infrequently--but even so, any information about me relayed through my parents would be unreliable to say the least as they only have had a very small, partial, and distorted picture of who I was as a person. | Never before had my uncle in any real way been involved in my life. I did not go to him for advice. He had not proffered unsolicited advice ever before. My entire life he’s lived in another state and seeing him was a holidays and birthdays sort of affair. Simply put, he was not and is not in a position to offer advice or insight into my life. I have no idea what kind of conversations he may have had with my father (his brother) or my grandfather. I knew my father and uncle spoke infrequently and my grandfather and uncle a little less infrequently--but even so, any information about me relayed through my parents would be unreliable to say the least as they only have had a very small, partial, and distorted picture of who I was as a person. | ||
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| - | I read my uncles words now and I’m still angry. I’m still incensed. So pervasive is this idea of filial loyalty, fidelity, and gratitude in my entire family. I suppose from his perspective, assuming he was ignorant of the abuse I received, I was simply being a callous son. Even so, there is not the slightest benefit of the doubt. There’s no questioning if I have good reasons. No one in my biological family has reached out to me to do anything other than lay blame at my feet. To wound me is to heal me--is that their logic? Clearly, that is the problem in their eyes. I am not emotionally invested enough to be guilted into doing (according to them) the “right” thing. | + | I read my uncles words now and I’m still angry. I’m still incensed. So pervasive is this idea of filial loyalty, fidelity, and gratitude in my entire family. I suppose from his perspective, assuming he was ignorant of the abuse I received, I was simply being a callous son. Regardless, there is not the slightest benefit of the doubt. There’s no questioning if I have good reasons. No one in my biological family has reached out to me to do anything other than lay blame at my feet. To wound me is to heal me--is that their logic? Clearly, that is the problem in their eyes. I am not emotionally invested enough to be guilted into doing (according to them) the “right” thing. |
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| So I say to him, how dare he. How dare he miss an opportunity to listen to me. To hear what I have to say. To acknowledge I am an individual distinct and separate from my biological family. He missed an opportunity to connect with his nephew in a way no one else in this family has. | So I say to him, how dare he. How dare he miss an opportunity to listen to me. To hear what I have to say. To acknowledge I am an individual distinct and separate from my biological family. He missed an opportunity to connect with his nephew in a way no one else in this family has. | ||
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